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Design Change – The Super-Hero Squad Version

JediCole here with an article that just had to be written about an issue that I could not, with good concience, allow to go unaddressed!

MODOK is and always has been one of the oddest villains in the Marvel universe. He is a purely Jack Kirby creation from his oversized head that dwarfs the rest of his body to his stylized battle chair/armor-thing. And his origin is as bizarre as his appearance! Created by AIM (Advanced Idea Mechanics) as the “Mental Organism Designed Only For Killing”, MODOK for short, this mega-macrocephalic monstrosity

Then along came Super-Hero Squad. Initially a series of cherubic versions of Marvel characters as plastic figurines, it would spawn its own children’s cartoon series. While MODOK never struck me as the most kid-friendly of villains, he seems to have made the cut for the cast of the show. So it is that this bulbous bully who’s head-to-body ratio puts Charlie Brown to shame, would be utilized in quirky ways for the amusement of children and adults alike. While I have never seen this show I suspect that they don’t dwell too much on the anagram nature of his name, at least until one episode that inspired this very article.

Our esteemed leader Rick shared details of a particular episode of Super-Hero Squad he and his son were watching (undoubtedly with equal giddy fascination) that focused on the unlikely pairing of one of the show’s heroes with one of the villains. It seems that the Enchantress, desiring the affections of the resident God of Thunder, cast a spell to ensnare Thor in the thralls of love for her. But in a twist reminiscent of every attempt by Wile E. Coyote to capture that pesky Roadrunner, her well-planned mystic assault backfired and instead found Ms. Marvel falling hopelessly in love with MODOK. Yes, MODOK!

To make this unholy love affair the more disturbing, in the throes of her amorous intoxication Ms. Marvel applied a pet name to her new beau – Mental Organism Designed Only for KISSING! While this term of endearment is as frightening as it is saccharine, the more you think about it the more terrible it becomes. Much as Stan Lee has said of himself I tend to also overanalyze things. And when the Ever-Ticking Brain began to process the ramifications of this magically-induced relationship the results were too terrible to contemplate. I will share them in this article none the less.

First a kind of paternal instinct sets in despite the fact that I have no kinship to any of these characters. You can’t help but think Ms. Marvel is ruining her life giving herself to a punk like MODOK. Sure he has the mental capacity of a thousand Nobel laureates, but he’s still an arch-criminal and patently untrustworthy. Mom and dad would need to hide the silverware when she takes her boyfriend home to meet them but for the fact that he is physically too broad in statue to come into the house! And the physical limitations don’t end there! Who can overlook the seemingly stunted limbs that are in realty of normal proportions, but viewed against the overly-generous expanse of MODOK’s cranium give the illusion of being underdeveloped. Should his reproductive organs be intact despite being the result of super-science that has been banned in every respectable corner of the world, how is he to hold his newborn children or join in the potato sack race at the Fater/Son Picnic?

But the potential for future difficulties not withstanding, the primary mind-ripping aspect of this intimacy between Avenger and monstrosity is the “K” in Ms. Marvel’s fanciful reimagining of the meaning of her lover’s name. That’s right, kissing! It is not take a lot of imagination to stagger at the thought of these two engaging in a passionate lip lock. Marvel’s virtually Lilliputian proportions compared to those of her paramour make the act of pressing lips affectionately together frightful to contemplate much less observe. And should these lovebirds, in the heat of passion, step up their kissing to French levels the entire scenario becomes unthinkable. When MODOK gives her a “soul kiss”, the tip of his mammoth tongue could actually make physical contact with her very soul!

Thankfully this nightmare would pass. Like any plotline in a kiddie cartoon, the story comes to a favorable conclusions, ideally with all parties involved unable to recall the period of enchantment that took them down paths that are too terrible to conceive. Undoubtedly someone discovered how these two became boyfriend and girlfriend against all odds and logic and either found a counter-spell or forced Enchantress to reverse the effects (bear in mind I have never seen this show myself) and returned things to the cartoon equivalent of the status-quo. So Ms. Marvel and MODOK parted company and we will speak of this no more.
1 comments:

Unholy Mother of Mayhem! Just think of the offspring! Aarrgggh! Can't unthink what I thunk...


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