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Pauly Shore: A Tribute to the Man, the Legend, the American

By JediCole Houston

It is with a profound sense of the unworthiness of my every word that I set about to humbly offer my thoughts on an icon of American cinema, Pauly Shore. Even the mere typing of his name as I compose this missive has my hands trembling. It is an incomparable honor simply to be allowed to pen a few lines about this Titan of Tinseltown. A man who’s status in world culture rivals that of the incredible Shelley Winters!

Backstage at the Tony Awards
Born simultaneously in 756 B.C., 9 B.C., 83, 712, 1787, 1897, 1916, and most recently in 1968, Shore would make his mark on history repeatedly in both the arts and warfare. His presence worldwide has been most profound but is often kept under wraps, largely at his bequest. Greco-Roman scholars note his particular influence in both pottery styles and epic poem formats of Mediterranean antiquity, NASA has acknowledged his distinctive footprints existing on the lunar surface even before man officially set foot on the moon, and his propping up of U.S. presidential candidates exceeds that of both the Space Alien and Batboy according to the Weekly World News. Yet these and countless other facts about the man are largely unknown to the general populace. It is only through a conceit on the part of the Shore camp that the aforementioned examples are being permitted in this article.

Testeifying at the "Scopes Monkey Trial"
To say that Pauly Shore has had an influence on American cinema is an understatement. To say that he is the most timeless actor of this or any other generation still only touches on the monumental surface of his presence in the acting community. While he has quietly lapsed into a state of semi-retirement in recent years, this is simply so he can concentrate on his research into ion propulsion systems for NASA, a pet project of the last 35 years that was largely put on the back burner while he pursued a highly successful film career. Some reports have also cited statements made by his management team that Mr. Shore also wished to devote time to his hobby of perfecting a genetically engineered grain called hextrotriticale, a six-lobed hybrid of wheat, corn, and barley. His absence has certainly been felt in Hollywood as it struggles to attract audiences to cinemas in a world without Pauly Shore movies.

Raising $900K for charity
But the largesse of Pauly Shore is second only in notoriety to the man himself and he has personally pumped $1.7 billion from his own financial reserves (Forbes Magazine recently billed Mr. Shore as the richest man in the world with a net worth of $999.17 billion in liquid assets alone as his actual worth cannot be accurately calculated) into the floundering industry. He was quoted as saying of the American film industry, “It is simply too important to be allowed to fail.” In addition to this, his own Shore to Shore Foundation has financed the implementation of filmmaking into the curriculums of small town school districts nationwide as part of his continuing efforts to promote the United States as “a nation of filmmakers”.

The late "Bengali"
And these are just a scant few examples of the philanthropy of a man who could not simply allow his body of work, which has brought joy and laughter to a world in desperate need of these unquantifiable commodities, to be his sole contribution. While the populace at large would unanimously agree that the man’s films are blessing enough, he continues to give of himself to a world that adores him. Who among us did not mourn with him when his beloved manticore, Bengali, succumbed to a fungal infection contracted when Shore was digging irrigation canals to promote agriculture at the edge of the Sahara in the spring of 2007? Did we not all celebrate and share in his joy when the United Nations General Assembly convened a special session in 2009 to present him with a manticore cub recently found orphaned in the mysterious Wailing Caverns of Crete? Certainly everyone remembers where they were the day the announcement came of the official naming of the new cub, Caladon, a name personally selected by Shore from the 17 million names submitted by his loyal public.

Indeed we have, as a global community, followed the triumphs, the tragedies, the exploits of this Promethean figure on the world stage. A man who’s exploits are larger than life yet surpassed in their own grandeur by that of the man himself. He stands astride all mankind with one foot firmly planted in our tiny and mundane world and the other resting comfortably in the marbled halls of Mount Olympus! This is Paulie Shore! The man! The Legend! The American!
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