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United States of Geekdom: The Movie

JediCole here with a little something inspired by the folks at Wizard...the Casting Call. In this case a very special casting call that involves the cast (no pun intended) of the United States of Geekdom podcast.

The scenario is a simple one. Rick, having managed to obtain his much wanted Press Pass to the 2011 San Diego Comic Con so shamelesesley promotes the podcast and website that it is inevitable that he catches the attention of powerful Hollywood producers attending the show. As a result a blockbuster film based on the podcast, its staff, and their many adventures is greenlit on the spot! And now they just need the perfect bankable cast to make this production an even bigger sucess!

So now that we have the fanciful scenario in place, on with the casting of United States of Geekdom: The Movie!

Ray Romano as Rick

This was by far the simplest of the casting choices. Who else could possibly play Rick? They share the same voice after all! And given Romano’s voice work in Ice Age he is accustomed to portraying a massive, awkward, shambling creature. Utilizing contemporary special effects techniques Romano could be giant-sized (think Robby Coletrane in the Harry Potter franchise) to accommodate the difference in mass between the actor and the subject and you have a sure-fire winner!

Kevin Smith as Cole

It really makes sense. Apart from the chain smoking (at least in his movies) Cole and Smith are pretty much cut from the same cloth. Smith unquestionably has the fanboy street cred and an undying passion for Star Wars that would be prerequisites for this portrayal. He also has more than sufficient ponderous bulk to be a more than passable rendition of our resident Jedi. Just surround him with thousands of toys and collectibles an he will be in his element and in character!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Andy

Firstly he looks the part. That is his key strength in this particular casting. He simply looks ideal for the part! Just throw in a daily cocktail of Mountain Dew, Red Bull, and Five-Hour Energy with a cup of really black coffee every morning before shooting and you have it made! In no time he will be chewing up the scenery, spewing ad-libbed fart jokes, and obsessing on how many Monopoly babies he can obtain. A well trained team of wranglers in place to restrain him between takes would be required, but so it goes with dedicated method actors. Assuming he is a dedicated method actor and would agree to the pre-shoot requirements.

Carla Gugino as Catherine

It is always nice to have a choice in things, and so Mrs. JediCole got to actually make her own casting call. Since Bernadette Peters, her first choice, is no longer with us, she said she wanted “the actress who played the original Silk Specter in Watchmen. So it is that Carla Gugino is added to the cast mix for the epic that would almost certainly be the result of bringing the story of the United States of Geekdom to the big screen!

Martin Landau as Count Vladimir Dracula

Anyone who has been following the podcast knows that the USG are perpetually under attack by Count Dracula for our constant ridicule of Twi-hards. This arch-rivalry comes to the fore in the plot of USG: The Movie and the irrepressible Landau takes on the mantle (and the cape) of the undead Transylvanian nobleman. As long as Martin Landau is getting work we are happy!

Andy Serkis as Shelly Winters

Breathing both life and layers of creepiness into the character of Gollum makes Serkis the ideal actor to provide the on-set performance reference for a CG Shelley Winters. He would undoubtedly be up to the task of capturing the essence as well as the inherent menace of our own Andy’s most intractable foe, a minion of Count Dracula no less. WETA Workshop would provide the modeling and animation of the life-like recreation of the late actress. A recreation that has been fully endorsed by Ms. Winters estate.

Ted DiBiasi, Jr. as The Wampa

In a shocking cameo appearance, this VaderCast carry-over will menace the USG team at intervals during their adventures. And in keeping with the precedent set by Wizard, you always have to have a professional wrestler in your casting line-up!

William Shatner as himself

If there is one thing we have learned from the likes of Free Enterprise and Fanboys it is that Bill Shatner absolutely makes a geek movie work! You may have everything else right in your screenplay, direction, production design, music, editing, etc. but if you don’t have Shatner you don’t have a movie! And of course Shatner would play a key role in the overall plot as a pivitol member of the USG team, stepping in to save the rag-tag band when they need his help the most in that way that defines the Shatner we know and love. Everybody gets one.

Hahaha oh god hahahahahahahhaa. Brilliant

For the most part I agree with the casting. One small revision though, instead of Ted Dibiase Jr. as the Wampa, I would have gone with The Big Show instead who is 7'5". Otherwise, I'm okay with it. Even with the Ray Romano thing. Oh, and Bernadette Peters is still among the living and currently performing on Broadway if I am not mistaken. I think Cole was referring to Madeline Kahn or Gilda Radner.

Apologies to the not-late Bernadette Peters. Catherine had intended to say Madeline Kahn and I did not really put any effort into research.

Now that you mention it, Bernadette Peters woulnd't be half bad really. Find out if she is available. We heard Carla Gugino may be a little hard to work with.

No, wait. That's Sharon Stone.

Oh, and Rick, it just turned out that The Big Show wanted too much money and the production was a bit cash-strapped after it was insisted that William Shatner take on such a vital role. They will make DiBiassi taller using the same CG effects that are used to make Ray Romano fit the Rick mold.

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