THE UNITED STATES OF GEEKDOM
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No Bong for Old Men - Snubbed by Full Moon

Greetings from JediCole! Well it is official! Wait, I am getting a bit ahead of myself there. First I should explain why I am referencing bongs I suppose.

Last month Full Moon Studios announced a contest to come up with the title and if so inclined plot for the next installment of their Evil Bong series of films (Evil Bong, Evil Bong 2: King Bong). At first I laughed at the novelty of the contest but then had a title hit me out of the blue...Wicked High (later changed to Evil Bong 3: A Wicked High). From there the Ever-Ticking Brain took over and went into overdrive. Soon I had conceived of a plot involving time travel, Salem witch hunts, and the infamous Evil Bong. Becoming far more invested in the whole thing than I ever though possible for me I researched the previous two Evil Bong movies (thank goodness for Wikipedia!) so I would have some idea about the plot and characters of movies I didn't even "mean to see".

Once I had a good idea of who the players were I went so far as to not only submit the title but a synopsis of the plot involving the stoners, the Evil Bong, Cotton Mather (despite being historically cleared of involvement in the witch hunts according to my research, he still fit the bill as a potentially familiar man of the period and locale with a reputation to boot), a hemp rope factory, and a coven of witches! It had everything a Charles Band/Full Moon Studios production could want....naked women, crazy characters, the devil, fire and explosions, sex, and just plain weird stuff.

But alas the winners of the contest were announced today and I discovered I did not even make the Top 20 listing (I never even saw the Top 20 poll that fans were to vote on), much less garner the coveted honor of lending a title and plot to the next weird-ass romp from Charlie Band and company. So yes, it is official! The next film in the series is Evil Bong 3: Wrath of Bong!

If you have not gleaned as much from this article I have never seen the previous films, nor indeed any but one Full Moon movie in my life! Laserblast being the only one of their catalog of hundreds of B-movies that I have ever seen, and I didn't realize it was a Full Moon production until a few years ago! But as a quote I am quite fond of using (attributed to Abraham Lincoln though I have never been able to determine the veracity of this) says, "For people who like that sort of thing, it's just the sort of thing they like!"
1 comments:

What about "The Bong Identity" or "Bong 3: The Electric Bongaloo." Or "The Bongening". Or "Bong vs. Predator" (that last one could probably not get made without a lawsuit)


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